Fresh Beginnings... The Whole Story

Fresh Beginnings... The Whole Story

I created Fresh Beginnings as a way to memorialize my mother and to identify a difficult topic to discuss... suicide.  Or better yet suicide prevention.  

On January 21, 2014, I received a phone call that would change my life forever.  The statement was short and devastating.  "Your mother killed herself."  Four words and the hour of disbelief while trying to get answers.  But lets back up just a little bit.  My husband and I were deployed to Afghanistan for all of 2013, we got back days before Christmas and picked up our year and a half old daughter from my mother, Dee.  She had been watching our baby while we were in service of our country and was adjusting to an empty nest for a second time.  My mother had gotten a bad cold and before we started the trip home we even picked up her medicine, food and helped out at her house, so she could rest.  These factors will be her downfall. 

You see my husband and I lived across the United States from my mother and had just gotten to our home in the State of Wyoming. I was back to work for only seven days when this call came in.  Being over eighteen hours from my mother, this was not a simple task as just driving over to see what was going on.  I contacted my Godfather and  good friend of my mothers to drive out to her house to check on her.  I called the local Sheriff Department for a Welfare Check and to see if anything was happening out there.  All they would say was that a call was out to that vicinity and that no further information could be discussed at that time.  Something was very wrong.  

While I waited for my Godfather to call me back with more information, I was putting in my time off papers for work, packing up my house for a second time and loading into the car with my daughter and husband.  The call came in and confirmed that my mother had committed suicide.  That she had died earlier that afternoon.  My mother was my best friend, we could talk about everything with one another, and she was my inspiration.  I was broken.  Over the next few years I dealt with depression and suicide idealizations before coming to the ultimate truth.  Suicide ends one persons suffering and passes a different suffering onto all those left behind.  The loss of saying good-bye, of preparing for a life threatening event and so forth.  

Months of trying to figure out why she had committed suicide, left me with three simple facts: 

1. My mother had suffered from SAD's (Seasonal affective disorder) for years.
2. Due to her illness she was prescribed a medication that caused hallucinations.   In her journal, the last entry stated that "it is going into my brain" and "shutting down".
3. She reached out for help but the person she reached out to was not trained to know the signs or how to  assist her properly.  

Twenty-Two Veterans commit suicide each day.  In 2018, there was a hundred and thirty two deaths a day to suicide.  For too long, Mental Health topics have been taboo causing people to refuse medical treatment from fear of being treated differently or concerns for their employment/relationships.  So I created this bar of soap as a way to let everyone know that you are not alone, that you have so much more life and love to give to the world and that you matter.  That you might be at rock bottom now but you can rise and climb creating a fresh beginning, a new story.  

For so many, a simple reminder or a call to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline could help in leaps and bounds. Please share the following contact information for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline as your share could save someone's life.  Be a hero!


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline


Back to blog

1 comment

Where are you located in Kalamazoo so we can buy it. My daughter received some for a gift, loves it for her scalp psoriasis, but don’t know where to get it. Plz help us out

Gail Talley

Leave a comment